Ratings: PG
Spoilers: Dead Irish Writers
 

Author’s Notes:  The WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex., Piven, Borgenicht, and Worick, Quirk Productions, Inc. 2001 It all belongs to them. J

Donna stretched her legs out in front of her and raised her arms above her head before standing. Josh was still hunched over his desk as he waded through the mountain of reports he had to get through before his meeting on the hill Monday morning.

“I’m getting a drink. Want one?” Josh looked up and smirked at her.

“You offering me coffee, Donnatella?”

“I’m offering to walk the five feet to the fridge and get you a bottle of water. Besides, it’s 9:10 and I’m taking a break.”

“But Donna, this needs to get done.”

“And it will. I’ve been here since 6:15 this morning, Josh. I’m tired. My back hurts. I only had a granola bar for supper and I’m taking a break. Do you want a bottle of water or not?”

“Okay. Thanks.” Donna’s lips turned up in a small smile as she walked across his office in her bare feet. Her shoes had long been forgotten. It was a Saturday night so most of the West Wing was empty. Toby had finally left, after driving them both crazy bouncing his ball on any surface he could come in contact with. Donna finally threw a wad of paper at him before slamming Josh’s office door. That’s where the two of them had been for the past three hours. Josh at his desk and Donna on the floor. She worked better on the floor. She knew Josh would join her after a while anyway.

Donna returned from the small adjoining room with two bottles of water and a container of yogurt.

“Here.”

“Thanks.” Before she could sit back down his phone rang. Donna shifted her yogurt to her other hand and answered his phone.

“Josh Lyman’s office.” She nodded her head in response to what the other person was saying and then held the phone out to Josh.

“Amy.” Josh looked at the phone like he was being offered a snake.

“Tell her I’m busy.”

“What?” Donna looked at him in disbelief. He normally leapt at the phone when she called.

“I don’t want to talk to her. Just get rid of her.”

“Oh…okay.” Donna took a deep breath and started to speak. Before she could get the words out, Amy was screaming in to the other end of the phone. Apparently she forgot to put Amy on hold. As Donna listened to Amy vent her anger toward Josh, she started to open her yogurt and take a few bites.

“I see. Well, I’d prefer if you would tell him that.” Donna rolled her eyes and thrust the phone at Josh.

“Here. I’m not fond of being cussed out by your girlfriends.”

Josh stared at the phone in his hand for a minute before placing it to his ear.

“Yeah.” Donna laughed a little around her spoonful of yogurt as Josh jerked the phone away from his ear.

“I thought I made myself clear the other night. We’ll hire who’s most qualified because of their actual qualifications not because they posses a ‘Y’ chromosome!” Donna’s eyebrows arched at the tone Josh was taking with Amy.

“If that’s the way you feel…..fine…..fine…..you know what, let’s just do this.” Josh took a deep breath before dropping the phone back in its cradle.

“Josh!”

“What?!”

“What just happened?” Josh looked at the phone for a minute before scrubbing his hands across his face.

“I just broke up with Amy.” Donna stared at him in disbelief for a moment and then smiled.

“Okay.” Josh met her eyes and matched her smile.

“Okay.” He stood up and twisted the kinks from his back.

“You okay?” Donna tried to hide her immense pleasure with a concerned look for Josh.

“I guess. I’m not really that upset. Is that bad? I mean shouldn’t I be upset?” Donna sat her empty yogurt container on the edge of Josh’s desk as she stood up.

“I’m not sure.” Josh watched as Donna walked out of his office and retrieved something from her desk drawer. She tossed a small book at him and grinned.

“Here. You look like you need this more than I do.”  Josh turned the book over and stared at the cover.

“Where the hell did you get this?”

“It’s my roommates hysterical idea as a going away present.”

“You’re going away?!” Panic had seeped into his voice. After Donna had been offered the job with that start-up company, he had been a little nervous.

“No, idiot. She moved out two days ago. I told you that.”

“Oh. You did?”

“Yes.”

“So she gave you ‘The WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook: Dating and Sex.’?”

“Kandi thinks she’s funny sometimes.” Josh started flipping through the pages.

“And I need it more, huh?”.

“Apparently.” Donna smirked

“Does it have a section on how to spot a gomer?” Now it was Josh’s turn to smirk.

“Considering I haven’t had a date since, oh, October. I don’t much need it.” The office fell silent for a moment once Donna had realized what she said.

“What about…”

“Shut up, Josh.” Josh walked around the edge of his desk and motioned for her to sit down next to him on the floor. The fact that Donna just admitted she was never actually dating a lawyer for the past few weeks dramatically lightened his mood.

“So what’s in here?”

Donna settled on the floor next to him and looked over his shoulder as he flipped through the book.

“Lots of valuable information. Would you like me to get you a notepad so you can take down a few notes?”

“You’re a regular comedian, Donnatella. ‘How to Tell if Your Date is an Axe Murderer’? good God Donna. What kind of book is this?” Josh laughed.

“Look at this one.” Donna took the book from him and started flipping through the pages. “Here. Read that.” She pointed to the page that stated the caption, ‘How to Escape From a Bad Date.’

“How many times have you used that one?” Josh smirked as Donna pouted.

“Bite me.”

“Maybe a little later.” The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes while they flipped through the book. Josh flipped to a page and Donna poked him in the side.

“Can you do that?” Donna pointed to the caption as Josh read it aloud.

“’How to Remove Difficult Clothing.’ Donna, it’s showing how to remove a bra with one hand.”

“Can you?”

“Of course.” He leaned a little closer to her and dropped his voice an octave.  Donna felt her face flush with heat and tried to control her voice when she spoke.

“Well, so can I.”

“It’s more impressive when I say it.”

“You’re so smarmy.”

“It’s all part of the charm.”

“Speaking of charm, I wonder how many of these you’ve used.” Donna held the book a little closer to her as she read a few of the ‘Pickup Lines to Avoid.’

“Oh here’s a beauty. Josh, are your legs tired? Because you’re been running through my dreams all night. Blech!” Josh laughed at the face she made and then took the book away from her again.

“Let me see that. Oh I bet this one’s worked on you a few times. ‘I have cable TV’. I bet that just makes you swoon, huh Donna?” Donna couldn’t help but giggle at the way Josh was wiggling his eyebrows at her. They must be tired. This was becoming way too much fun. Donna leaned back against the desk while Josh stretched his legs out in front of him. He slid his shoes off so he and Donna were now in their stocking feet.

“Here’s a classy one. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock!”

Donna snorted with laughter as Josh flipped the page again. “Oh this is great.” Josh turned to look at Donna and with his best seductive voice he used another line on her.

“My name is Josh. Remember that; you’ll be screaming it later.”

As much as Donna loved their close proximity, she couldn’t help but throw her head back as she cackled.

“That is awful!”

“That’s why they’re lines to avoid, Donna!”

“Here, let me see it.” Donna took the book from him again and scanned the table of contents.

“Maybe I should read this one the next time you decide to show up at my place at two in the morning.”

“’How to Sober Up Fast’, very funny Donnatella. Here’s one for you. ‘How to Deal With a Bad Kisser’. You’ve probably had to deal with that a lot.”

“So have your dates.”

“Oh, not likely.”

“Maybe all your dates have read the book.”

“I’m not a bad kisser.”

“Whatever you say.”

“I’m not. I’m a great kisser.”

“Well I’ll just have to take your word for it, now won’t I?”

“How can you think I’m a bad kisser?” Josh was getting into competitive mode, Donna could tell by his eyes. She decided to have a little fun with him.

“I have no idea what kind of a kisser you are Josh. I’m sure you can kiss okay.”

“Okay? Just okay?! I can kiss your socks off.”

“See, right there tends to make one believe you’re not that great a kisser. I would think that my socks would be the last thing you’d want to kiss off me.”

“I’m a great kisser Donna. It’s been confirmed.” Josh turned to face Donna with a defiant smirk.

“Oh really?”

“Really. Lindsay Martin. Ninth grade. She even wrote homage to me in my yearbook.”

“Lindsay Martin? Ninth Grade?”

“Yes.”

“That proves nothing. I thought Ben Whitesides was the best kisser on the planet until I had something to compare it too. Turns out, he wasn’t so great.”

“So you’re saying Lindsay had nothing to compare me to?!”

“Ninth grade was a long time ago Josh.”

“Fine. Let’s go.” Josh stood up and reached out for Donna’s hand.

“What?!” Donna looked at him like he’d lost his mind.

“I’m gonna prove to you I’m a great kisser.”

“Are you crazy?!”

“I won’t be disparaged, Donna. This is my manhood you’re talking about.”

“What? We never discussed your manhood Josh. Personally, I don’t want to know who has paid homage to your manhood.” Josh reached down and took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

“I’m a great kisser. Phenomenal. A kisser among men!”

“You kiss men?” Donna laughed.

“What?! No!  I just…Shut up. You knew what I meant.”

“Do I?” Donna stood face to face with Josh with a grin plastered on her face. She wished she still had her heels on. Without them she was a few inches shorter than Josh and couldn’t look him directly in the eye. His face was getting red and she could tell she had succeeding in getting him totally flustered.

“That’s it! No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’m proving it.” Before Donna could react, Josh grabbed her by the shoulders and planted a kiss firmly on her lips. They both stood frozen for a moment when the reality of the situation hit them. Josh pulled back just a fraction on an inch. Donna’s eyes were wide with shock. She seemed to be holding her breath. Josh allowed his hand to slip down to her waist.

“Donna.” He whispered.

“Josh?” Her breath tickled his face and he couldn’t help himself. He pulled her to him again and this time the kiss was slow and tender. Josh deepened the kiss when he felt Donna’s hands threading through his hair. Flicking his tongue across her upper lip, he sought entry to her mouth. His tongue swirled with hers as the two of them clung to each other in the middle of his office. Neither of them heard his office door being pushed open.

“Josh?”

Donna jolted away from Josh and stared wide-eyed at Leo McGarry standing in the doorway.

“Leo!” Josh yelped.

“What the hell are you doing?” Josh’s face paled and Donna felt as if she were going to throw up.

“We…uh….I….she….” Leo turned to leave. Before he left the doorway, he called over his shoulder.

“It’s late. You and Donna should be home by now.” The small smile that flickered across Leo’s face wasn’t lost on Josh. Donna stood rooted to the floor with a confused look on her face. Josh took a deep breath and stepped closer to her again.

“I told you I was a great kisser.”

“Josh.”

“Let’s go home Donna.”

“Home?”

“Yep.” Josh reached out and took her by the hand. He slid his shoes back on his feet and picked hers up from the floor.

“Josh?”

“Yes Donna?”

“What just happened?”

“I’m not really sure.”

“Okay. Just checking.” Donna let Josh lead her out to her desk to get her coat. Before exiting the bullpen, she held the book out to Josh again

“Are we going to try page 116?”

Josh flipped through the book and grinned.

“’How to Detect a Real Orgasm.’ Oh most definitely.” He took her by the hand and led her to his car.

End

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