Rated R

Author's Note: If you're wondering about the title, it refers to the state in which Donna is in. It's the term we locals use. It's short for sh*tfaced. :)


Josh picks up the phone on the second ring. Any normal person would be asleep at this hour. But this is Josh and sleep isn’t high on his list these days. He listens intently at the person on the other end of the phone. He strains to hear what they’re saying over the loud music. Then he hears her voice.

“I told you to call CJ.”  That’s all he can make out through the music and the gruff conversation on the other end of the phone. He hangs up the phone and grabs his car keys from the counter. Within twenty minutes he’s tossing a twenty on the bar and staring at a very drunk Donnatella Moss.


“You’re drunk.” Josh smirks.

“You’re an asshole.” Donna takes another long drink from whatever the strange blue liquid is she’s drinking before glaring at him.

“What did I do?”

“Nothing. Ab-so-lute-ly nothing.” Donna turns to her drink again and mutters into the glass. “Asshole.”

“Come on, let’s get you home.”


“Why not?”

“Maureen’s there. She’s having sex. Lot’s of sex.”

“So, your roommate can have sex in her own room.” Donna snorts and turns to face the bartender.

“Not when I walked in she wasn’t.” He laughs a little before popping the cap off an import beer for the guy at the end of the bar.

“Come on. You can’t stay here. Let’s go home.” Josh pleads.


“Donna.” Josh reaches out and takes hold of her elbow.

“Don’t get all manhandly on me. I’m a grown woman. I can decide when I want to go home.”

“You’re drunk. Let’s go home.”


“Fine.” Josh takes Donna by the hand and leads her to the parking lot. Donna leans against the passenger door while Josh hits the automatic door locks. He slips his arm around her waist and moves her out of the way before opening the door. He slides her in the front seat and leans in to fasten her seatbelt. Donna leans forward and whispers in his ear.

“Why does Maureen get to have all the sex?” Josh stops mid motion and tries to swallow. The feel of Donna’s breath on his ear is enough to send his mind into a spin, but to have Donna mention sex is a little too much. He slowly turns to face her.

“Because she has a boyfriend?”

“How come I don’t have a boyfriend, Josh?” Donna looks him in the eye and waits on him to answer.

“Because you have lousy taste in men.”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Yes I am.”

“I think I just made your point.” Josh clicks her seatbelt in place while he processes her words. He’s still trying to figure out what she meant when he feels Donna grab his chin.

“Why can’t we have sex, Josh?” Before he can answer, Donna pulls his face to hers and kisses him. She slips her fingers to the back of his neck and lightly licks his lower lip. Reflex takes over and Josh opens his mouth to deepen the kiss.  He has been dreaming about kissing Donna for as long as he can remember and now that it’s happening, he can’t make himself stop. Finally the need for air overtakes them both and they pull away. Josh hits his head on the door jam and Donna manages to laugh.

“Why did you do that?” He asks. His voice is quiet and controlled.

“Because you never would.” Josh looks at her face for a moment. It’s true what they say. The only people that tell the truth are drunks and children.  Josh nods his head and closes her door. He hurries to the other side and quickly pulls out of the parking lot.


Donna stares out the window the entire trip to his apartment. When he parks, she doesn’t wait for him to open her door. She stumbles out of his car and walks a staggering line to his front stoop. He catches up with her and helps her climb the steps. She leans against the wall while he unlocks the door. As soon as the door swings open, she stumbles to the couch.


 “What happened with Maureen?” Josh follows and sits beside her.

“I have to move out.”

“Why? Did you guys have a fight?”

“She and Paul….are getting married. They’re going to live in the apartment.” Donna’s face falls to her hands and Josh can hear the emotions catching in her voice.

“Is that what the tequila was all about?”

“Part of it.”

“What’s the other part?”

“You’re an asshole.” Josh sighs as Donna’s voice wavers with emotion.

“I know.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“Besides being a sloppy drunk? Nothing.”

“But you’d rather date women like Amy?”

Josh sighs and rubs his hands across his head. They weren’t supposed to talk about it. They never talked about it. Donna sighs and looks at him expectantly. He didn’t want to have this conversation. He couldn’t have this conversation. Not while Donna is drunk off her ass. 

“Come on. Let’s put you to bed.” Josh pulls her by the hand until she’s on her feet. She sways a little and Josh steadies her with his arms around her waist.  He guides her to his bedroom and stands her next to the bed. Before he can offer a t-shirt for her to wear she’s pulled off her shoes and is lifting her shirt over her head.

“Donna!” Josh yelps as she tosses the shirt nonchalantly on the floor and starts to unbuckle her jeans.

She ignores Josh’s gaping stare and slides her jeans down her hips, teetering a few times in the process. Josh swallows hard in order to return some saliva to his mouth. Donna Moss in nothing but a pale pink bra and matching lace panties is an image that will be burned in his brain for eternity.  He shakes his head to dispel the images of what he wants to do to Donna and hands her the t-shirt.

“Put this on.” His voice is almost pleading.

“’kay.” She mumbles as she reaches back and starts to unclasp her bra.

“Donna!” Josh screams again. It’s too late. Donna pulls the material from her arms and tosses it on the floor. Josh groans and feels the familiar tightness in his groin as he stares as her breasts. She pulls his t-shirt over her head and crawls into his bed. He stares at her for a few minutes trying to calm his heartbeat. He watches as she snuggles beneath his blankets, a small smile on her face.

“This is bad on so many levels.” He mumbles as he pulls his shoes off and heads for the bathroom. Figuring she’s asleep or passed out, he decides to grab a quick shower.  Josh pushes the door shut with his foot and starts to pull his shirt over his head.  He turns the taps a little cooler than he normally would and steps under the spray. He hopes the cool water will have the effect he needs right about now. He leans both hands against the wall and ducks his head under the spray willing the images of Donna’s breasts from his mind. It’s not working. He takes a deep breath and eases the tap farther over to cold.  With the spray pounding against the back of his neck, he doesn’t hear the door open. The shrill of the metal rings sliding across the curtain rod causes him to jump. Donna holds the shower curtain back with one hand and steadies herself against the wall with the other. Josh stares at her in shock.

“Donna! What the hell are you doing?!” She grins at him and allows her eyes to travel over his body.  He thinks they settle on his scar, much to his horror, her eyes are transfixed farther south.

“I was thirsty.” She states as she slowly reaches her hand out to touch him. He catches her hand in mid air and grabs at the shower curtain. He manages to wrap part of it around him before Donna can stop him.

“I’m naked here, Donna!”

“I can be naked too. Do you want me to be naked Josh?”  Josh stares at her in disbelief for a moment. Yes, he wants her to be naked. Very naked. But, Donna is drunk. He can’t take advantage of her like this. It’s not how this should be.

“Donna, you need to go back to bed.”

“No.” Josh releases her hand and sighs. Is he this much trouble when he shows up at her place drunk?

“Dammit, Donna, go back to bed.”

“Only if you come with me.”

“What?!” He grabs the towel off the rack and wraps it quickly around him. He steps from the tub and finds Donna’s hands reaching for his chest. He knows Donna is a tactile person like himself, but when she drinks she is down right clingy. She trails her hands across his shoulders as he tries to move past her.

“Donna, you need to stop.”

“Why? Because I’m not Amy?” She pouts as he grabs her wrists to still her hands.

“No! I mean….it can’t happen like this. You’re drunk.”

“But I want you, Josh.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. Come on, let’s go to bed.” Josh takes her by the arm and leads her back into the bedroom. He takes her by the shoulders and sits her on the bed. With both of his hands on her shoulders, Josh fails to stop Donna from pulling the towel from around his waist.

“Stop that!”



“Josh.” Josh reaches out for the towel and Donna pulls it farther from his grasp. He leans forward to try to retrieve it once more and Donna reaches out and cups him in her hand. The air seems to have been sucked from the room by Josh’s shocked intake of breath.  He’s frozen for a moment as Donna’s hand gently squeezes him. He reaches for her hand and abruptly pulls it away from him.

“Donna stop!” His voice is even and firm. He looks up to see the tears pooling in Donna’s eyes.

“Why can’t you love me?” He wonders if he heard her correctly. She barely whispers the words as she looks up at him with tear-filled eyes.  She’s so upset, so fragile and so incredibly drunk.

“I do love you Donna but we can’t do this now. Not like this.”


“Because you’re drunk and I don’t want us to start things off that way.” Josh takes the towel from her hands and wraps it back around his waist. He pulls her by the hand until she’s standing again and leads her to the side of the bed. “Go to sleep. If you remember any of this in the morning, we’ll talk.”

Donna slides under the blankets and rests her head on his pillow. She swipes clumsily at her eyes as the tears spill down her cheeks.

“Stay with me.” She reaches for his hand and begs with her eyes.

“Let me get some pajamas and I’ll stay with you until you go to sleep.” She slowly nods her head before closing her eyes. Josh goes to the dresser and pulls a pair of boxers from the drawer.


Josh pulls the sheet over his shoulder and turns away from Donna in hopes of getting some sleep.

His hopes are soon dashed when he feels Donna snake her arm around his waist and snuggle up to his back. He groans loudly and rolls over.

“What are you doing?”


“Can’t you just pass out or something?” Josh asks in frustration. He’s not sure of how much more he can take. Any other man would have ‘sealed the deal’ by now but this was Donna. She was too important.

“You’re warm.”

“I’ll get you another blanket.” Josh starts to get out of bed again but Donna tugs on his arm. She rests her head on his chest and drapes her leg over his.

“Stay.” Josh sighs as he settles his arm around her waist.

“Fine. Just please, go to sleep.”

“Talk to me.”



“Because you’re drunk and very annoying.”

“But you love me. You said so. I remember.”

“Well, we’ll see how much you remember in the morning.”

“I’ll remember that. I’ll remember everything.”

“Yeah, okay. Go to sleep.”

“Okay.” Donna lifts her head and kisses him lightly on the cheek. “Good night, Joshua.”
”Good night, Donnatella.”




Josh wakes to the sound of someone throwing up in his bathroom. He rubs his hand across his face before stumbling to the opened bathroom door. He shakes his head and sighs as he enters the room and pulls Donna’s hair from her face.  Once she’s calm, he takes a washcloth from the cabinet and runs it under the tap. Without a word, he rubs the damp cloth over her face and neck as she sits on the edge of the tub.  He drapes the cool material across the back of her neck and then leaves the room. Donna remains seated with her head in her hands. He returns and offers her a glass of water and a few saltine crackers.


“Thanks.” He then holds his hand out for her to take the two Advil resting in his palm.

“Think you can go back to bed now?” She slowly nods her head and stands. He takes the cloth from her and runs it under the water again. She slowly walks back to the bed and holds the side of her head as she sinks back under the covers.

Josh stands over her side of the bed and waits for her to get settled. He then places the cloth across her forehead.


“I’m dying.”

“Nah, dying doesn’t feel this bad.” Donna groans and covers her face with her hands.

“What am I doing here?”

“Roger called me from the bar.”

“You came to get me.” She states as the memory of Josh picking her up surfaces in her mind.

“Try to go back to sleep. We’ll talk about it in the morning.”

“Talk about what?”

“Lots and lots of things.” He smirks.

“Oh hell.” She moans as Josh slides back beneath the covers.




Josh feels the bed shift as Donna rolls toward him.  She slides her hand across his chest and buries her head in the crook of his neck. He smiles to himself at the little noises she’s making in her sleep.  He shifts against her until she’s resting against his chest and his arms are around her waist.  She’s going to have a hell of a hangover in the morning and she can use all the sleep she can get. Josh looks over at the clock to see it’s almost six. At least it’s Sunday and neither of them had planned on going in the office today.  He sighs as he pulls Donna closer to his chest. Lost in thought, he strokes her hair as he stares at the ceiling.  They have to talk. 


Josh rolls over and reaches out for Donna. His eyes open when he feels the empty bed beside him. He looks around his bedroom and then to the bathroom door. No Donna. He pushes the blankets back and steps from the bed and walks out to the door. He sees her sitting on the couch putting on her shoes. It’s almost 8:30 and he can tell by the way she stands to walk to the door that she plans on sneaking out. He slips quietly through his apartment and heads her off from the other hall. He can tell by the look on her face she feels like shit, so he decides to have a little fun. He leans against the doorframe and waits for her to reach for the front door.

“Good morning.”  She jumps at the sound of his voice and turns to face him with a startled look on her face.

“Josh!” He allows the smirk to rest firmly on his face as he advances toward her.  Time for payback.   He steps closer to her causing her to back up against the wall. He places his hands on either side of her head against the door and smiles.

“Where are you going, Donnatella?” The way he says her name causes her to close her eyes and swallow.

“I’m so sorry.” She croaks. Josh leans closer still and whispers in her ear.

“For what?”

“Last night….being drunk…..everything.” Josh stops and looks at the sadness in her eyes as she looks everywhere but him. His features soften and he slides his hands down the door to her waist. Payback is over. They’ve got to talk.


“Yeah, I didn’t mean to….to…..”

“I meant it.”  Donna’s eyes meet his and he leans closer.

“Meant what?”

“You said you’d remember. Don’t you remember?” Donna slowly nods her head remember just about everything that happened between them.

“I remember you were naked.” She says with a small smile trying to lighten the mood.

“Yes I was. What else do you remember?” He takes her by the hand and pulls her back to the couch.

“I…uh…..I……” Donna’s face flames red as she remembers where her hands had been and the way she tried to seduce him.

“What else do you remember?”

“You said you loved me.” She lifts her head and looks him in the face.

“I did.”


“Because I do.”

”Then you threw up for an hour.”

“I know.”

“Feel better?”

“Not really.”

“Let me know when you do?”


“Because I’m going to finish what you started last night.” Josh stands and walks into the kitchen leaving her on the couch. She turns to see his smug expression as he pulls a can of coffee from the fridge.


“Meaning I had to endure a night of cold showers, you drunk and extremely handsy and then wanting to practically sleep on top of me. Do you know how hard it was for me not to take advantage of that situation?” She stands and walks into the kitchen. She leans against the counter while he puts on a pot of coffee.

“How hard?” She asks with a smile once she realizes he’s been in nothing but his boxers this whole time. He stops his task and moves to stand between her feet as she leans against the counter.

“Very hard.” His voice is low and insinuating.

“So you have plans?”

“Big plans.”

“What kind of big plans?” He steps away from her and opens the fridge again while she lifts herself up so she’s sitting on the counter.

“Plans that involve the two of us.”

“The two of us?”


“I like those kinds of plans.”

“I was hoping you would.”

“What about Amy?”

“Amy is a non issue.”

“A non-issue? Does she know that?”

“Pretty much.”

“So, when do you plan on implementing your plans?”

“After coffee.”

“Sounds like you’ve thought this through.”

“I’m not the one hung over.”

“It must be unusual for you.”

“Still bringing the funny, I see.”

“Always.” Josh pours two cups of coffee and hands one to Donna. He pushes against her knees with his hip and steps between her legs.  He takes a sip of his coffee as he slides one hand up her thigh. He smiles over the rim of his cup as she closes her eyes and sighs.

“You better drink up, Donnatella? I’m not a very patient man.”

“Are you impatient in everything, Joshua?” The wicked smile on her face made him laugh.

“No. Most definitely not.”

“That’s good to know.” He looks into her eyes and sees the uncertainty.

“Do you want to talk about last night?”

“Not really.”

“You kept calling me an asshole.”


“No you’re not.” She smiles while Josh places his coffee cup on the counter and slides his hands around her waist. “You asked me why we couldn’t have sex.”

“How embarrassing.” Donna groans and covers her face with her hands.

“We couldn’t have sex because you were drunk and I care about you too much to take advantage of you like that.” Donna lifts her head and meets his gaze. The implication of his words hits her full force.

“And now?”

“You’re fair game.” He leaned forward and placed a tentative kiss on her cheek.


feedback is appreciated. :)