NC-17! If you are under 18, turn back NOW!
Inspired by the song of the same title by Fuel.
She's giving me that look again. Maybe I should say something.
that was a little scary. I hate it when she reads my mind like that. Let's hope
she can't read it all the time. That would just be embarrassing for the both of
" None of this is my fault."
"Just shut up."
"There's no need to be mad at me. I'm not the one that......" Ow! That hurt. Okay, I've known Donna for quite some time now and I know that when she gets to the point of throwing things at me, I've stepped over the line. But, that's just what I do, now isn't it? Where'd she even get something to throw in a rental car, anyway?
"Let's just get to the hotel."
"We're almost there." I sigh.
glaring at me again. I think I liked it better when she was staring out the
window. Maybe I'll just sit over here and drive. No need to talk. Nope. Talking
just might get me killed. Thank God we're not far from the hotel. Harvard
Square, up ahead.
doesn't say another word for the rest of the drive. I hurry around the car to
open the door for her. She at least gives me a small smile as I close the door
behind her and guide her into the lobby. I'll even check us in. See, I'm
being the good guy here.
"Josh Lyman and Donna Moss. We have reservations for two rooms."
clerk starts typing on his computer while Donna leans against the counter. She's
tired. I can tell she's tired because of the little crease between her eyebrows.
Yeah, I know. Roll your eyes. So I know these things about her. We're friends.
Close friends that work closely together. Shut up. I must have missed something
because Donna's face just turned red.
"What? Donna, what?"
"They gave away our rooms."
can’t believe she said that with her teeth clenched like that.
But we had reservations."
"I'm sorry sir. We were unaware of your late arrival. The normal check in time is before six."
"The flight was delayed." I look over to Donna and smile a little. Bad idea.
I think she's about to lose it. Huh. That's a switch. But it has been a pretty rough day for her.
have one room.”
Oh good Lord, I’m going to have to share a room with Donna. Again. I don’t
know how much of this I can take. I mean, I am a man. It’s taken every ounce
of willpower I have the last few times we’ve had to share a room not to jump
all there is?” Donna’s about two seconds away from reaching over the counter
and ripping this guy’s head off.
sorry ma’am. It’s a very busy time of year. We have several events going on
at the Harvard campus. Will you be taking the room?”
nod my head and sign us in. Without a word we walk back out to the car and grab
my suitcase. Notice I said ‘my’ suitcase. That’s one of the reason’s
Donna is about to commit a felony in the next ten minutes. The airline lost her
bag. Oh yeah, it’s been a hell of a day.
pushes the button for the elevator and looks over at me and smiles. I’m sorry
Joshua, but smiling at you would take just a little too much effort at the
moment. The doors open and we ride in silence to the fourth floor. Josh places
his hand on my back as we walk down the hallway toward our room. Yep, I’m
sharing a room with Josh. Lucky me. Another night of wishing he would make a
move. Who am I kidding? That’s never going to happen. He doesn’t think of me
like that. Besides, he’s with Amy. Bleck! What a manipulative little bi….no.
I’m not going to go there. I’m pissed enough as it is. Josh manages by some
miracle to open the door of the room and he waits so I can step inside.
least it’s nice.” He’s really getting on my nerves.
I guess.” That’s as good as it’s getting on the banter there buddy. Better
luck next time. I’m just hoping this day will end soon. They don’t get much
come on, Donna! It’s not that bad!”
that bad?! Not that bad?! Josh, you have no idea how bad this day has been.”
let’s start from the beginning. At 3:45 this morning my neighbor’s new car
alarm decided to freak out. Once I finally got back to sleep, the alarm went off
and I called you. You were your normal chipper self if I recall. Then after I
got out of the shower, my hairdryer died. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to
ride the Metro with wet hair? Oh, and let’s not forget that the copy machine
decided to totally destroy pages 206 and 207 of the report on the thing you need
for your meeting with Leo on Friday when we get back.
And see this?” I hold my coat open so he can get the full effect of the
large brown stain on the front of my gray skirt. “I spilled coffee on myself
while you were in staff. So I get
to go to the airport with you, looking like a pig. Once we get there, the flight
is delayed two and a half hours. One hour of which we spent sitting on the
plane! I don’t care if we were in first class, it was still miserable. The
airline lost my luggage, so now I have no clothes, no make up. Nothing. To top
it off, we get to bunk together once again. What am I supposed to wear to your
speech tomorrow, Josh? A hotel towel? This day has been so bad I’m surprised
an anvil hasn’t fallen from the sky and turned me into an accordion!” And
there’s the smirk.
an unpleasant visual. Not the whole hotel towel thing. You and the anvil.”
going to be a hell of a night.
can I do?”
can you do?”
I hate it when she sighs like that. I feel so helpless when she sighs like that.
I’ll just…..I just want to go to bed.”
are you going to do about clothes?” Not that I mind that you might not have
any clothes to wear.
about your carry on? You’ve always got something in there.” I pick Donna’s
huge bottomless tote bag up from the end of the bed and hand it to her. She
opens it up and peers into its depths.
see. I’ve got two magazines. A bottle of water from the plane. Bottle of
Advil. Your schedule. Note cards of your speech. A brush. The notes on the
Crawford meeting you had this morning. Chapstick. Extra shirt for you. How
ironic is that?”
do you have a shirt for me?”
about it.” Oh yeah. God, how did I ever deserve this woman in my life?
clothes for you?”
a spare pair of pantyhose. You think anyone would notice if I just put a belt
around your shirt and wore that tomorrow?” Now that’s a mental picture
I’ll keep for weeks.
you show up in just my shirt, no one will know I’m even there.” Is she blushing?
am I going to do? I’ll just have to stay here at the hotel while you give your
I didn’t bring you along to sit in the hotel.”
did you bring me?”
my assistant. I might need assistance.”
didn’t you ask Amy to come with you?” Crap. I was hoping her name wouldn’t
come up. Yeah, I’m diluted. Sue me.
uh…..she and I aren’t…..”
wheels fell off the wagon?” She’s giving me that big-eyed puppy look. I
really wish she wouldn’t do that. She’s going to make me tell her
everything. I hate it when she does that.
I wouldn’t say fell off. More like ripped off.”
happened?” Donna plops back down on the end of the bed and motions for me to
sit down. She still has her coat on and so do I. I sit down beside her and we
both lay back staring at the ceiling with our feet still on the floor. This is
how we used to have heart to hearts during the campaign. I miss that.
Bartlet’s birthday party.”
I love that I don’t have to tell her anymore than that. She knows what
happened. She let me yell about it to her for thirty minutes after the party.
Amy actually tried to come home with me after what she pulled. Well, for once I
stood my ground. I put her in a cab and then went back to my office to make sure
Donna got home okay.
wanna go out or order in?”
I’m not going anywhere looking like this. I just want to take a shower, eat a
meal and crawl into bed.”
offer I’ve had all day.” That got a laugh out of her. I lean up and stand
offering my hand to help pull her off the bed. She groans at the movement and
stands in the middle of the room.
going to take a shower. Just order me something.”
She grabs her tote bag and disappears into the bathroom. I reach for the phone
and call the front desk.
out of the shower and wrap the towel around me. That feels so much better. I
actually feel clean again. I brush out my hair and put some of the hotel lotion
on my legs and arms. I look around and wonder what I should do now. I really
don’t want to put my work clothes back on. What the hell, I really don’t
have much choice. I pull the dry-cleaning plastic off of Josh’s folded dress
shirt I shoved in my bag before we left the office. Let’s hope he doesn’t
ruin the two I packed in his suitcase. I slip the shirt over my shoulders and
button up the front.
I call through the door.
I borrow a pair of your boxers?”
packed the green ones.”
He calls back from the room. I hear him rummaging through his suitcase. He’s
going to wrinkle everything. He taps lightly on the door. I open it and I
can’t help but smile a little at his out stretched hand holding the well-worn
green flannel boxers.
I meet his eyes and I think I just heard him swallow. Is he pale?
God. She’s wearing my shirt. She’s only wearing my shirt. I think
I’m having a heart attack. I swallow hard to dislodge my heart from my throat.
She’s looking at me. I’m supposed to be doing something. Taking her right
where she stands? No. Uh….boxers! She wants boxers.
okay?” I think I’m having a stroke. Donnatella Moss is standing in front of
me in nothing but my blue dress shirt. Oh yeah, I’m okay.
yeah. Yeah. Fine. Here’s the….uh….boxers.” Donna takes the shorts from
my hand and stands there for a minute. She’s just looking at me with those big
blue eyes. I think I’m still staring at her legs.
ordered you a grilled chicken salad.” Oh yeah, I’m smooth. The ever-suave
Josh Lyman, ladies and gentlemen.
you going to stand there all night?”
like to put these on. It’s a little drafty in here without them.” She’s
smirking at me. Regroup. Say something witty.
don’t do anything on my account.” I smile at her.
Before she can say anything, there’s a knock at the door. I hear her
giggle as I turn my back on her to answer the door. Room service places the tray
on the small table near the door and I tip him before he leaves. Donna comes out
of the bathroom in my shirt and boxers. Her hair’s still wet and I think I
better sit down soon before she notices how beautiful I think she looks, if you
know what I mean.
starving.” She says I she sits on the end of the bed and crosses her legs
too.” I hand her the plate of chicken salad as I check to see if my burger is
properly cooked. As we settle in to eat, we click on the television to catch
are you going to do about clothes for tomorrow?” I ask as I shove a fry in my
have no idea. I guess I’ll have to buy something before the speech.”
me to go with you?” Oh my God. Did I just offer to go shopping?
right! I’d never get anything done. You’ll just be dead weight. I’ll be on
a mission. Besides, you need to go over your speech.”
sure?” She’s smiling at me again. Why is it that when Donna smiles at me I
feel incredibly happy? Amy smiled at me and I felt like the canary staring into
the mouth of the cat.
She reaches over and helps herself to some of my fries. I playfully bat her hand
away and she pouts a little. It’s what we do. I take the last bite of my
burger and put my empty plate back on the table.
I walk over to my suitcase and pull out a pair of boxers.
gonna take a shower.”
She says as she starts flipping through the channels. I think it’s going to be
a very cold shower.
Josh was in the shower I cleaned up our dinner dishes and had the bellboy remove
them. I’m actually enjoying the peace and quiet for a few moments. I’ve
turned the overhead light off so the only light is the lamp by the bed. Maybe if
I close my eyes for a few minutes, the tension from this horrible sucky day will
go away. I take a deep breath and try to relax.
can’t find my toothbrush.” That last sentence was said right next to the
bed. I open my eyes and see Josh standing over me. His hair is wet and
he’s…..oh Jesus. He’s in a towel. Why is God punishing me like this?
Wasn’t today bad enough? Now I have to look at Josh in a towel. Correction.
Wet Josh in a towel. Okay. Settle down. Breath deep.
in your case.”
me your case.”
I told you I looked.”
He hitches his towel up a little as he walks back into the bathroom. That’s a
shame. I’m glad he’s not self-conscious around me anymore. I don’t even
notice his scar. After about the first month of his recovery, he started to come
to terms with me seeing it. I wonder if he let Amy see it? Probably. God I hate
He tosses the case on the edge of the bed and stands there with his arms folded
across his chest. I unzip the leather case that belonged to his father and
shifts a few things around until I find the navy plastic tube that contains his
that’s what I thought.”
huffs a little before he takes the case from me and stalks back to the bathroom.
I love doing that to him.
it when she does that to me. I looked. I really did. Oh well. At least it made
her smile. She’s in such a bad mood. I can’t blame her though. I’d been
impossible if I had the day she had. I finish brushing my teeth before slipping
into a pair of navy plaid boxers. Donna always packs these. She must like them.
That’s a good sign. It is, right? I didn’t bring a t-shirt in here with me.
I always sleep in a t-shirt when we have to share a room. I don’t know why.
Donna’s seen the scar more times than I can count. I don’t mind it when
it’s her. I never let Amy see it. I always kept a t-shirt on or turned the
lights out. I flip the bathroom light out and pad out into the room. Donna’s
propped up against the headboard with the blankets pulled up over her lap.
She’s flipping through the channels. Then it dawns on me. We’ve got to share
a bed. We usually have a double room when we have to share. This one has a king
size bed. Maybe I should offer to sleep on the floor.
you want me to sleep on the floor?” Please say no. Good, she’s looking at me
like I’m an idiot. Yeah, I know that look pretty well.
it’s a king size bed. There’s room for me, you, and half the League of
Nations in here.”
didn’t know you were into all that Donna.” Ha! I think she just snorted. I
walk around the bed and pull the blankets back.
I didn’t realize how tired I was until I laid down. Man this feels
good. I don’t think I’ve gotten to bed before ten o’clock
since….since… June of 1997, maybe. I sigh and punch the pillow a little.
are you watching?”
to sleep, Josh.”
of me already?” She smiles over at me and shakes her head.
got to give a speech in front of three hundred Poly-sci majors at two o’clock
tomorrow. You might want to get a good night’s sleep. Besides, when you
finally take yourself out of fifth gear, you usually crash pretty hard.”
well….” I hate it when she’s right. I’m so tired right now; I can’t
even work up a good response. She smiles at me and I manage to smile back
exhausted. Of course that’s a normal state of being for Josh. I flip the lamp off and continue flipping through the
channels. Oh, Steel Magnolias. I haven’t seen this movie in forever. Josh
turns over and I know he’s asleep. I can tell by the way he’s breathing.
After four years in close company, you just know these things after awhile.
Besides, after the shooting, I would spend hours just watching him sleep. I was
too afraid to leave him. What if something happened while I was asleep? What if
he needed me and I couldn’t hear him? So after he left the hospital and I
stayed at his apartment, I would sit up for hours just watching his chest rise
and fall in his sleep. It took me nearly three weeks to actually sleep in my
apartment again. I finally had to buy one of those sound machines and use it for
a while. Otherwise I would just lie awake wondering if Josh was okay.
this part is so sad. It’s when Julia Roberts is getting her hair done at
Truvy’s and has a diabetic episode. Sally Field is awesome.
a little under the blankets and I hear the sound of someone crying. Donna?
Donna’s crying? Maybe I’m still asleep.
what’s wrong?” I roll over and see her wiping the tears from her cheeks as
she stares at the television.
Oh okay. I think I’m still half asleep. I turn over on my side and pull
the blanket over my shoulder. I’m facing her so I can make sure she’s okay.
I’m just about to drift off to sleep again when I hear that little squeaky
sound from her throat she makes when she’s trying not to cry out loud.
<<sniff>> <<sniff>> I love this part. When Sally Field
gives Shelby her kidney I lose it every time.
<<sob>><<sniff>> Why don’t they ever keep any Kleenex
by the beds?
the bed shift. Where’s she going? I think she’s crying again.
Are you okay?” I open my eyes and see her coming out of the bathroom with a
wad of toilet paper.
What is she watching? Oh God. Not again. Does every woman on the planet
have to watch this movie?
I scoot up in the bed and motion for her to sit down. I’m still a little
groggy. She sniffs a couple more times and rubs the wad of toilet paper across
her nose. “Why do you watch this movie?”
a great movie.”
always end up crying your eyes out for an hour after you watch it.”
So? Oh, that explains everything.
don’t you turn it off? You know the hospital part makes you worse.” She
looks at me and then back to the movie. She takes a deep shuddering breath and
starts to cry harder. I grab the remote from the edge of the bed and shut the
television off. The room is dark as I pull her down to the bed. She pulls the
blanket back over her and snuggles into my side.
never understand why you watch that movie. You made me watch it with you twice
<<yawn>> on the campaign and you bawled like a baby both times.”
She sniffs some more while she swats my arm.
just calm down okay. Get some sleep.” I slip my arm around her and she rests
her head on my shoulder. This is nice. Real nice. <<Yawn>> I could
get used to this.
just doesn’t understand what an amazing movie this is.
want to talk?” He’s so sweet sometimes. He’s barely got his eyes open and
he wants to know if I want to talk about it.
go back to sleep. I’ll be fine.”
sure?” He rubs his hand down my shoulder and I find myself sliding my arm
across his stomach. What? It’s just more comfortable that way.
stupid. You’d just snark me.”
His breathing has slowed down so I know he’s just about to fall back to sleep.
What the hell? He’ll never remember this anyway. He’s asleep.
just wonder sometimes if I’ll every get a chance at thirty minutes of
wonderful. So far it’s been <<sniffle>> a lifetime of nothing
work for me.” Josh’s voice is groggy and soft. I used to see if I could get
him to talk in his sleep on the campaign bus. He would just spout Senate rules
meant in love, Josh. Sometimes I think I’ll never get married.” My voice is
barely above a whisper. I’ve never really told anyone how I’ve felt. “I think I want kids. Do you want children Josh?”
He nods his head a little while shifting further under the blankets.
you ever think about getting married?”
His voice is thick with sleep and I wonder if he even knows he’s talking to
Amy? Did you think Amy was the one?”
Donna, go to sleep.”
thought you were already asleep.”
am.” He grins a little and I can tell he’s so tired.
wasn’t Amy the one?”
Cliff the one?”
Because he wasn’t you; but I can’t say that. I squeeze my arms tighter
around Josh’s waist as he rolls towards me a little.
just wasn’t.” We’re quiet for a long time and I think Josh has drifted off
to sleep again.
to sleep Donna. You’ll get married.”
do you know?” I whisper.
go to sleep.” I roll over and put my back to Josh. His arm is still around my
waist and I feel him pull me tighter to him. I sigh and close my eyes.
over and open my eyes. I’m in a hotel room. A hotel room I shared with Donna.
Where is Donna? I lean up a little and hear the shower running. Before I can get
out of bed, Donna comes out of the bathroom wearing the clothes she wore to work
What’re you doing?”
going shopping. I’ll be back here by eleven and then we can go over your
speech once more before going over to the college.” She’s got her hair
pulled back in a clip and she looks so young with no makeup on.
Do you want to go to breakfast first?”
time. I’ve got to hit the stores. I’ve got to buy a complete outfit.
sure you don’t want me to go?”
I’m sure.” She’s laughing as she pulls her coat on. I push myself up and
lean against the headboard.
I’m gonna call Leo and see what’s going on.”
got my cell.” Donna grabs her purse and gives me a quick wave before rushing
out the door.
on a mission. I’ve got to find something to wear and be back at the hotel by
eleven o’clock. I pull the rental car into a space and hurry into the shop.
Sale rack. I need a sale rack. I look around the small shop and see a nice long
black skirt. At least I won’t have to buy shoes. I look down at my black heels
and smile a little.
I help you?” A short dark haired woman smiles up at me.
looking for something to wear to a speech. Unfortunately, my luggage was lost on
the plane and I’m left with just what I have on.” Maybe if I give her a
pathetic smile, she’ll have mercy on me and show me the clearance rack.
you poor thing. Let’s see what we can do. We’ve got some lovely blouses.
We’re actually going to put this rack on sale tomorrow to make room for the
spring apparel.” I frown and look around at the silk blouses. They’re very
nice. But a little more than I had planned to spend.
do this. If you find something you like on this rack, I’ll give you the sale
price. I’m the manager. I can do that.” She winks at me and I offer her a
you.” I start sliding the hangers across the rack and spot a long gray skirt.
very nice. It will be 60% off.”
Mary, By the way. If you need anything else, please let me know.”
Mary.” I walk around the racks of blouses and find a dark gray blouse with a
small silver stripe. It matches the skirt perfectly.
I try these on please?”
course.” Mary shows me to the fitting room and I slip out of my stained skirt
and pull the new one on. It’s perfect. I tuck the blouse in and look at myself
in the mirror. This will have to do. I step out of the changing room to look in
the three-way mirror.
nice.” Mary smiles at my reflection.
said it was 60% off?”
Would you like to wear it out? I can ring up the tags.” I nod my head and
smile. She discreetly clips the tags from the garments and rings them up at the
total is $37.86. That’s pretty good.”
very good.” Thank God.
you know where I could find a drug store? I’ve got to buy some make up as
got a better idea. Why don’t you go across the street to the Merle Norman and
tell them you’re interested in changing your look. Margie will have you in her
chair before you can blink.” I smile at this woman. She’s obviously been a
woman on a budget before.
to make her feel better. Buy a lipstick or a mascara or something.” Mary
smiles at me and hands me my receipt. I gather my clothes from the dressing room
and slip them into a bag. Now I just need to run a brush through my hair and
I’ll be set.
you so much.”
problem dear. I’ve had the same problem. But I was in New York for a two-week
theatre tour. I didn’t have so much as a toothbrush.” I smile again and wave
as I head across the street.
happened with the thing?”
handling it. Has Donna gone over
your speech?” I sigh into the phone. Leo is in protective father mode with me
out buying clothes. The airline lost her bag. That reminds me. I’ve got to
call them to see what the deal is.”
if you need anything.”
will. Bye Leo.”
‘em dead, son.”
piss anybody off.”
I hang up the phone and move my neck around. I look over at the clock and
realize I’ve been on the phone for about two hours. I need to take a shower.
I’ve been walking around in my boxer shorts all morning. I reach into my
suitcase and pull out some fresh clothes. Donna hung my suit up last night and
laid out what shirt and tie I should wear. I don’t know why I like that so
much. But I do. I close the bathroom door behind me and turn the shower on. I
haven’t felt this good in a long time. Maybe it’s the eight hours sleep I
got last night. Maybe it’s the fact that I slept entangled with Donna all
night. I must admit I was a little disappointed when I woke this morning and she
was already in the shower. I would love to have joined her. I step into the
shower and feel the warm spray on my back. Man that feels good. My neck is stiff
from being on the phone with Leo.
Donna taps on the door and I jump a little at the sound.
Before I get the words out of my mouth, Donna steps into the bathroom.
Did you find some clothes?” I pull the curtain back a little and look at her
standing in front of the sink with a brush in her hand.
do you think?” She holds her hands up and turns around in a circle.
look good. Hey, you’re make up’s different.”
know. The girl at Merle Norman did it. I wouldn’t normally wear this shade of
lipstick but she assured me it was the new color and it accented my alabaster
look beautiful.” Well, that just slipped out.
Is she blushing? I close the curtain again and start to shampoo my hair. Donna
is still in here with me. I guess that should freak me out, but it doesn’t.
It’s comfortable. Normal.
”Did you talk to Leo?”
Toby is working on the thing. I called the airline too. They found your bag. It
went to New Jersey. They said they’d have it sent over this afternoon.” I
rinse myself off and reach for a towel. Behind the curtain I towel myself off
and wrap the towel around my waist. I step out of the shower to see Donna
pulling her hair back into a sleek ponytail. She shifts out of the way and hands
me my toothbrush. I brush my teeth hunched over the sink as she finishes her
hair in the mirror. I take a deep breath and I can smell Donna’s perfume.
you buy perfume too?”
bottle at the department store counter.”
The outfit was even on sale.” I smile at her reflection in the mirror as she
leaves the bathroom. I push the door closed and slip on my boxer shorts. Donna
is brushing off my suit jacket as I walk into the room. I pull my pants from the
hanger and slip into them.
time do we have to meet the Dean for lunch?”
Speech starts at two. We should be done by four.”
good. Dinner?” I button my shirt and tuck it in while Donna holds my jacket
for me to put on.
your luggage will be here by then and we can go someplace causal and get a
drink.” She slips the jacket over my shoulders and turns me around. She loops
the tie around my neck and begins tying it loosely.
hope. At least we don’t have anything on the schedule for tomorrow.”
the flight home.” She smiles up at me and I feel something tighten in my
chest. I remember our conversation from last night. I was half asleep but I
remember how sad Donna was at the thought that she’d never get married.
go. We don’t want to keep the Dean waiting.” She pulls her coat on and slips
her purse over her arm. Even with all that’s happened to her in the last two
days, she’s managed to look as beautiful as always.
amazing. He might not be able to handle the press corps, but he has every coed
in the place eating out of his hand. He’s been witty, charming and even poetic
in the last hour and half. I’m glad Josh asked Sam to help him with his
speech. Josh wraps up with a few words and is greeted by boisterous applause.
He disappears back stage and I move through the crowd to join him. He’s
shaking hands with the Dean and several department heads when I make it to his
you join us back at the house, Mr. Lyman?” Josh smiles politely at the Dean as
he slips his hand to the small of my back.
be delighted.” The Dean escorts us from the Government building and across the
Harvard campus. Josh is in his element here. I’m totally lost. I’m in awe of
the magnificent buildings and all the students. It makes me realize how much I
missed out on. Josh guides me up the steps of a large home and holds the door
for me to enter. He offers me a small smile as he starts to mingle with some of
the professors and invited guests. I
find a small couch and decide to sit down for a few minutes and enjoy a glass of
water. I’m watching Josh as he talks and works the group of men he’s
standing with. He looks over at me and smiles. I smile back before a kind-faced
older woman blocks my view.
must be Donna Moss.”
Mrs. Nye.” She’s the Dean’s wife. I stand and offer my hand.
a pleasure to meet you ma’am.” I make small talk and chat with just about
everyone in the room. After about three hours, Josh and I finally say our
goodbyes and head back to the hotel.
too. I hope my luggage is at the hotel.” Josh just nods as he pulls the rental
car into the valet parking area.
thank God.” Donna pulls her suitcase up on the bed and starts going through
everything. She pulls out a pair of jeans and a sweater. I do the same as she
goes into the bathroom.
ready to go to dinner?”
Are you going to take me to some of your old haunts?”
You think you can handle it?”
think I can.” I laugh a little as I pull on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.
I’m pulling one of my favorite flannel shirts on as she comes out of the
not going to get drunk and start talking about the good ole days are you?”
might.” She rolls her eyes as she laughs. I pull my tennis shoes on as she
does the same and we walk down the hall to the elevators. This is what I like
the most. Me and Donna. Not the Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States and
his faithful assistant Donna Moss. It’s just us going out and having a good
place is not a dump, Donna. It’s…it’s…homey.” I wave my arms
dramatically around the dump of a bar I brought us to. We had a nice dinner and
decided we both deserved a beer after her horrible couple of days and my
a dive.” She says with a smile over the rim of her beer bottle.
they’ve got good beer and better music.”
God. Did you put the Doobie Brothers on the juke box again?” I chuckle a
little. She’s knows me too well. She rolls her eyes as I start singing along
to Black Water.
dance with me?” She’s giving me that look like I’m crazy. I don’t care.
I’ve had two beers on top of the gin I had at the Dean’s house this
She’s getting a little drunk too. I can tell by the way she leans her head a
little too far to the left when she talks to me.
on. Dance.” I take her by the hand and pull her from the booth. We weave our
way through the college kids and finally push our way to the center of the dance
do realize this is a fast song.” She thinks I can’t dance.
got moves.” Did she just snort at me?
I grab her by the hand and spin her around.
I can’t help but smile at the sound of her laughter. This is what I
enjoy most. Spending time with Donna. I must be drunk. I admitted way too much
to myself just then. I take hold of Donna’s hands and pull them around my neck
as the song ends and a slow song starts to play.
with me.” She nods her head and threads her fingers behind my neck. The only
time we really get to dance with each other is at official functions. Then we
have to keep our distance and a sense of decorum. Here we can just be ourselves
and enjoy the music…and each other. I
place my hands on Donna’s hips and sway to the melody. Donna steps a little
closer to me and I wrap my arms around her waist. Soon her head is resting on my
shoulder. I don’t ever want this
song to end.
being so…..so…..un-Josh. He’s dancing. He’s buying me my own beers.
He’s even being sweet. His hand is tracing a slow circle on the small of my
back as we dance. This is nice. Too nice. We both must be drunk. I don’t feel
that drunk. Josh must be really drunk. That’s it. He just doesn’t know what
he’s doing. He’s just to the touchy-feely stage of being drunk. But he’s
only had two beers. Normally he’s just obnoxious and sloppy after two beers.
More obnoxious than usual anyway. The
song ends and Josh slides his hand down my arm until he takes my hand in his. He
leads us off the dance floor and back to our table.
We showed these college kids a thing or two.” He smirks at me.
want another beer?”
I’m good.” He gives me that look. He wants another beer. “No.”
come on Donna. Why not?!” He’s leaning over the table with that
pleading look in his eyes. Not gonna work, Joshua. I’m not sleeping beside a
The last thing I want is you drunk in my bed.” Hell, that didn’t come out
right. Great, he’s smirking again.
right. I wouldn’t want to be drunk in your bed.”
think you’re already drunk.”
about you? You look like you’re feeling no pain.”
what I thought.”
I’m not drunk.”
are you.” We stare each other down for a few minutes until a chipper young
coed walks by. Josh nearly breaks his neck watching her walk by. Typical.
Look at the chest on that girl. How does she walk? Uh-oh. Wrong thing to do.
Donna doesn’t look too happy.
an eye full Josh?”
Play dumb. Play dumb.
are such pigs.”
we’re not. I was looking at the…uh….the bar. I thought I’d see if I’d
get us something to eat.” She’s not buying it.
right. How dumb do you think I am?”
don’t think you’re dumb.” She sighs and takes the last drink of her beer.
time is it?”
got a eight am flight. I’m tired. I’m going back to the room.” She starts
to scoot out of the booth and I stand to offer her my hand. I’ve got to do
something to show her I’m not a pig.
I don’t let go of her hand as I lead the way through the crowd and out to the
street. Donna shivers a little as we stand on the sidewalk trying to hail a cab.
Donna wouldn’t let me bring the car. She knew I’d drink. She takes such good
care of us.
little.” Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my
chest. I rub my hands up and down her back while we watch traffic go by. She
tucks her head a little and I rest my chin on the top of her head.
mad at me for being a pig?”
little.” I can tell she’s grinning. I can hear it in her voice.
can’t stay mad at me. You love me too much.” Shit. I didn’t mean to say
that. I look down at her to gauge
her reaction. She looks up at me and gives me a smirk. She’s smirking at me!
right now, but if you want to wait until we’re off the streets.” Both of us start laughing and I pull her tighter into a hug.
A cab pulls up and I open the door to help her in the back seat.
She stays right beside me and I just notice that I’m still holding her
He’s still holding my hand. He’s being so sweet. I lean into him a little as the cab takes a turn. He lets go of my hand to put his arm around me. Maybe I should make a move. Not a big move, but a move. I reach up and tug on my necklace a little and then move my hand to his hand on my shoulder. He reaches out and laces his fingers in mine. Before I can turn to look at him, I feel him place a light kiss on my temple. What is going on with us? It can’t be the beer. We didn’t have that much to drink. The cab pulls up in front of the hotel and Josh holds the door open for us. He places his hand on the small of my back and guides me through the lobby and onto the elevator. He doesn’t even attempt to open the door this time. He hates keycards. Once inside the room, neither of us really speaks. He flips on the television and I grab my pajamas from my suitcase.
gonna take a shower.”
He smiles as I disappear into the bathroom.
What am I doing?! I’m putting the moves on my assistant! I’m putting the
moves on my assistant and she doesn’t seem to mind. I kick off my shoes and
socks and lean back on the bed. I hear the water turn on and start to imagine
Donna taking a shower. Wait! Stop! Bad idea. Bad idea on about 20 different
levels. I’ll just watch the news. News is good. News is informative. Nothing
sexy about the news. Huh, the Dow is down again. That’s a shame. That anchor
lady looks familiar. I wonder if she’s ever been to the White House.
yours.” I nearly launch off the bed. I didn’t hear her come back in the
need a bell.”
CJ.” I pull a pair of boxers and a t-shirt out of my suitcase and head for the
hurt to get you one too.” She’s wearing a navy tank top and a pair of green
plaid boxers. I think those are mine. I’m pretty sure of it.
dear.” That’s it. Keep it light. Banter, joke. No big deal. Yeah right. I
bet Leo would think it was a big deal that his Deputy Chief of Staff was having
thoughts about how to seduce his assistant.
Okay. Enough. I’ve got to stop. I’ll just go take a shower. Cold, by
the way. Then I’ll just crawl in bed….with Donna. Oh God. No. I’ll just
crawl on my side very far away from Donna and go to sleep. We’ll wake up
tomorrow. Go to the airport, fly home and everything will be just like it always
Evidently the combination of beer and Donna has ceased my ability to think and
move at the same time. Well, shit.
wrong with him? He’s being…..I
don’t know. Weird. He’s always been tactile, but tonight it’s different.
It’s as if we were really holding hands and being….I don’t know. I’m not
going to think about it. It will only make things worse. Besides, he must still
be thinking about that thing with Amy. He’s just confused. Yeah, confused. He
just wants a friend right now. That’s me. I’m Josh’s friend. Good old
Donna. Buddy Donna. Shit. I hate that. I pick up the remote and pull the sheets
back on the bed. I crawl between the cool sheets and snuggle under them to get
warm. I start flipping through the channels trying to take my mind off Josh. Oh!
I love this movie!
finish drying off and pull my t-shirt over my head. I think I’m sobering up a
little. I know Donna has nowhere near the buzz I had, but she still had a good
deal to drink. More than me, anyways. I
step back into the room and see Donna propped up on two pillows watching TV.
She’s beautiful. Wait.
are you watching?”
movie.” She’s not looking at me.
a good movie, Josh.” I look away from the screen and study Donna’s
expression for a second. Uh-huh. There it is. She’s got that weepy girly look.
movie, Donna?” She sighs and pulls the blanket up a little so she can snuggle
it around her. She still won’t look at me.
She tightens her grip on the remote before I can take it away from her.
is no way in hell we’re watching ‘Beaches’. Last night was bad enough.”
don’t know what you’re talking about.” Don’t think I don’t see you put
the remote under the blankets with you, Donnatella Moss.
One girl movie was enough. You know I can’t stand it when you cry. My God
Donna, this movie would send you into seizures you’ll cry so hard.”
overreacting. It’s a good movie.”
can’t even make it through the song on the radio. Besides, I can’t take it.
Last night was bad enough.” I pull the blanket back on my side and crawl into
bed next to Donna. Maybe if I distract her I can get the remote away from her
without having to wrestle her for it. Although, wrestling with Donna might prove
quiet rewarding. Wait, she’s distracting me.
was just a little upset. I’m over it now.”
not waiving on this. Turn it off. Besides, we’ve got to get up early.” Did
she just snort at me? She’s been doing that a lot lately.
only 11:30. I’m normally still at work at this time. Besides, I like this
movie. I want to see her have the baby.” Oh Jesus.
Donna. You’ll just get upset like you did last night. You went on and on about
getting married and what our kids would be like. I don’t know how to handle
you when you’re like that.” Why is she staring at me like that? What? What
did I…say? Oh. My. God.
just say OUR kids? Our. He used the word ‘our’ in that sentence, I’m sure.
I think I’m grinning. No, actually I’m pretty sure I’m smiling like an
idiot. Before I can say anything, Josh takes the remote from my hand and turns
the television off. He rolls over and turns off the lamp and plummets the room
late Donna. We need to go to sleep.”
not tired.” I want to talk! Let’s talk about ‘our’. I want to know about
you are. Just get comfortable and go to sleep.” Josh lightly pulls my arm
until I scoot down into the bed. My eyes still haven’t adjusted to the dark
but I can tell he’s still facing me. I roll over on my side and fold my arms
under my chin.
still not tired.” I whisper. I’ve had a little to drink. That makes me
annoying. Besides, I’m a little excited about the whole ‘our’ thing. What?
I can’t just let that go.
does it bother you when I cry?” This should be interesting. Jack, aka Dr.
Freeride always hated it when I cried too. He said it made me look very
unattractive. I can’t help it that my alabaster skin gets all red and blotchy
when I cry.
not going to let this go. She’s going to annoy the shit out of me until I tell
her something or until I strangle her.
just don’t like to see you upset.” There, that should keep her quiet.
What’s the big deal about me getting upset?”
just is, okay.” Oh that was brilliant.
me. I tell you stuff.”
seem to recall several nights of long talks in your living room.” Yeah, me
too. That was one of the worst and best summers of my life. Donna would sit and
talk to me for hours. She told me things she swore she never told anyone.
I know. Do you still think you’re invisible if you close your eyes?” I laugh
as she reaches out to try and hit me. I grab her hand in the air and hold on to
it. She doesn’t seem to mind.
was five. I told you that. Now tell me what the big deal about me crying is? Is
it just me or does the sight of any woman crying unsettle you?” My eyes have adjusted to the light and I can see the soft
contours of her face. She’s stretched out with the pillow underneath her head
looking directly in my eyes.
you, okay. Can we go to sleep now?” She’s grinning at me. I hate it when she
grins like that. It’s like she’s got me wrapped around her finger or
something. Hell, who am I kidding? I’m firmly entranced by one Donnatella
Moss. I thought I was ensorcelled by Amy. I think I was just willing to accept
We can go to sleep. Good night, Joshua.”
dreams, Donnatella.” I roll over
onto my back and try to relax. Not an easy task when you’re lying in bed with
an incredibly beautiful woman. Donna sighs and rolls over on her other side.
That’s the side she sleeps on. She scoots back a little until her back is
resting against my side.
been lying here for a while now. I think she’s asleep. I’ve got my eyes
closed and I’m doing my level best to go to sleep. I feel the bed shift a
little and Donna rolls over toward me. I can feel her looking at me. What is she
She’s about an inch from my face. I’ll just act like I’m asleep and see
what she’s up to.
Are you awake?” God I can feel her breath tickling my ear. I hear her sigh and feel her hand brush across my cheek. Her
voice is barely a whisper.
said ‘our kids’. Will we have kids one day? I mean, you and me together?”
I don’t think she’s waiting for me to answer that question. I think she
still thinks I’m asleep. Maybe I should let her know I’m not.
would like that. You just don’t see me that way. Not after what I did.
Besides, you were with Amy. I’m just saying that I would…..I would want to
have ‘our’ children.” I don’t think I’m breathing anymore. I feel her
hand start to slide away from my cheek. Without a second thought I reach up and
place my hand over hers. I pull her hand to my lips and place a soft lingering
kiss in the center of her palm. When I open my eyes she’s staring at me with a
look of uncertainty.
It’s now or never. We’ve gone too far this time. We’re about a mile past
that line we’re not supposed to cross. I can’t take back what I said. I
don’t want to. Amy may not have done much for me, but she did open my eyes to
what I want. I want a life with Donna.
can’t move. I can’t think. Josh heard what I said. I thought he was asleep.
I thought I could just get that off my chest, he’d never know and everything
would be the same.
hope they look like you.” He
whispers as he pulls my hand across his chest drawing me closer to him.
children.” He’s going to be upset. I’m crying. I can’t help it.
Please don’t cry. It…” He sighs as he pulls me into his arms. “It breaks
my heart into a thousand pieces when you’re upset.”
not upset.” I try to convey my feelings by tracing light circles over his
chest. His hand moves under my chin and lifts my face toward his. In the time it
takes to take a breath, his lips are on mine and I think I’m dying. In a good
way. Josh Lyman is kissing me. Soft, gentle, filled with love, kisses. He pulls
away and looks at me for a few moments before lightly tracing my jaw with his
been such a fool, Donna.”
messed us up. I should have never….” Before I can say Cliff’s name, he
places his finger on my lips.
That doesn’t matter now. This is us.” He pulls me down to him again and
kisses me. This is where I’m supposed to be. Right here in Josh’s arms.
never like this with Amy. Sure I liked kissing Amy, but it didn’t feel like
this. It feels so good it almost hurts. I pull Donna closer to me and lightly
trace my tongue over her bottom lip. She moans a little and parts her lips. Our
tongues meet and I think I just groaned. My God I want this woman. Her hands are
sliding around my neck as I roll us over. I pull away from her and rest my
weight on my arms so I can see her face. She’s so beautiful. But, I have to
know if this is okay. She’s too important to me. I can’t mess this up. I
can’t just stumble into her sideways.
I’m searching her eyes for something, anything that might tell me to stop. I
know I’m grinning. All I see is passion and….and….I hope that’s love. I
know she can see my feelings all over my face. She knows me too well.
please.” I think my heart just stopped again. Her hand slides down my side and
around to my ass. She pulls me closer to her and lifts her hips to meet mine. Oh
done it. We’ve blown everything all to hell. There’s no turning back now.
Well, there is, but if he dares to stop touching my breast like that I’d have
no choice but to kill him.
thought you were asleep.” I tease.
were wrong.” He trails a few light kisses down my neck while I ease my hands
under his t-shirt.
can see that.”
were wrong about a lot of things.”
what?” His hands push the hem of my tanktop over my head and he’s staring
down at my breasts. The look on his
face makes me want to throw him off the bed and molest him on the floor.
always seen you. Always.” Josh Lyman, you are going to get so lucky tonight.
I can’t watch his reaction to my question because it’s impossible to keep my
eyes open when he’s sucking on my nipple.
I moan a little in frustration as he removes his mouth.
just didn’t know how….I’m not…..I suck at things like this Donna.
You’re too important to me….I mean. Hell Donna, I can’t even begin to
explain this.” He’s so adorable.
don’t have to.” I lean forward and yank his shirt over his head. Before he
can speak again I cover his mouth with mine and hopefully give him an
inclination as to what I want.
going to have a heart attack if I don’t touch her. She’s got one leg wrapped
around my thigh and the other tangled in the sheets beside me. The slow soft
kisses of before have given way to a deep dormant passion. I don’t think I’m
reading this wrong. I’m not that inept. The way Donna’s pulling me on top of
her I’d say she wants me as badly as I want her.
The force at which she says that makes me smile. She’s so hot right now. I
push the sheets away from us and lean back on my heels. Donna is looking at me
with a look on her face I’ve never seen. I hope I can be the only one to see
it for the rest of my life. He normally pale blue eyes are dark with desire. I
rub my hands up her thighs and across her hips before grasping the elastic of
the shorts she’s wearing. She lifts her hips and allows me to slide them down
her legs. Dear God. Breathe. I have to remember to breathe. The sight of her is
enough to make me want to come. But I’ve got other plans. I lean over her
again and lightly trace my finger around her soft curls. I don’t know how much
more I can stand if she makes that noise again. That’s the sexiest thing
I’ve heard in my life. I capture
her lips again and move over to her side. I can feel her back arch and hear her
intake of breath as I find her center with my finger. She’s amazing.
I don’t think I can take this slow.”
can wait for next time, Joshua.” I tighten my grip on his arm as he slides his
finger into me.
”Next time?” He’s smirking at me.
you want a next time?”
What?! “I want forever.” I have never wanted a man more than I want Josh
I want you.”
or forever?” I pull on his arm so
he’s on top of me again. I push my hips toward him and see his face contort in
pleasure as his erection comes in contact with my moist heat.
I manage to breathe as he enters me. He’s still for a moment. I think I’m
going to have a stroke if he doesn’t move. He leans down and whispers in my
would you do if I told you I loved you?”
I know he can tell I’m about to cry. I wrap my legs tighter around his
waist and push my head into the pillow so I can see his face again.
would finally know you felt the same way about me that I feel about you.” His
smile is bright and the dimples are more prominent than ever. He moves slowly at
first and I can’t help but call out his name.
He quickens his pace a little and before I can comprehend what is about to
happen, he pushes my legs down and rolls me over. I’m straddling his hips and
he’s rubbing his hands up my thighs.
me, Donna. Please.” I’m setting the pace now and my eyes refuse to leave
His fingers find my clit again and I lose the words.
me.” He demands a little harder this time. The tight circles he’s tracing
across my folds match my thrusts.
love you.” Josh closes his eyes and I lean back and change the angle.
yeah, like that.” I trace my finger across his lips and he reaches up with his
other hand and hold onto my hand. He sucks my index finger into his mouth and I
can feel myself slipping over the edge.
repeats my words to me and I’m not entirely sure I can form a whole sentence
at the moment.
me.” She demands as she tightens her muscles around me. “Please Josh.”
love you Donna. I’ll always love you.” I hope she knows I mean it. I think
it would kill me if she just thought this was a one-night stand, a stumble
between two friends.
I’m…..” Her hands tighten their grip on my shoulders and she throws her
head back. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. I flick my fingers across
her folds once more and I hear her scream. I’ve never heard my name said like
that by any other woman. It’s music. Donna’s breathing heavily as she
collapses on my chest. I roll us over and she starts kissing my neck.
When she reaches that spot on my collarbone I pull her legs up a little
for me Josh.” Oh Holy God. She pulls my hand away from her hip and just as I
had done to her, she sucks my index finger into her mouth.
yes Donna!” I thrust one last
time before spilling into her.
only sound in the room is our breathing. Josh has pulled me into his chest and
is rubbing his hand through my hair.
He squeezes me a little tighter and I can’t help but smile.
do that again?” We both laugh before I lean up and face him.
know what I mean Joshua.” He must
see the fear in my face. He reaches up and gently caresses my cheek.
been tiptoeing around each other for almost four years. I can’t do that again,
Donnatella. I can’t lose you. I won’t.” I offer him a warm and loving
I had to do something so you wouldn’t keep worrying about getting married and
having our kids.” I playfully slap him on the arm before snuggling into his
knew you said ‘our’.”
I know.” He kisses me on the top of the head while I run my fingers across his
going to have kids.” I say it more as a statement of fact than I meant to. I
wait for Josh’s reaction. Imagine my surprise at his answer.
we are and hopefully very soon.” I catch a glance at the clock on the bedside
table. 12:04. It’s going to be a very good day.